When I Can't, He Can

Recently, I was asked to speak to a small ladies group and let me tell you, honestly, I wanted to say NO WAY!  I would rather run 5 miles and this girl does not enjoy running.   I would rather eat tree bark.  I would rather do a lot of things.  Why you ask? Because what follows is typical Gina when speaking to a group (large or small).

My heart pounds, my palms sweat, my uncomfortable strained wobbly voice speaks way to fast.   My self-depreciating thoughts begin to run rampant…….. What if I say the wrong word?  What if I lose my place?  What if I’m not clear and talk in circles? What if my tag is sticking out?   Wonder if they will see these stinking grey hairs that have popped up overnight? Oh gross- my fingernails need to be filed!  What if I trip and fall in front of everyone?  What if I OFFEND someone?  I wonder if they will notice I have gained weight…again!?!  No lie or exaggeration, these are the thoughts that plague me EVERY TIME I am asked to speak to a group, whether it is at work or even a prayer request at church.  I am 31 yrs old.  I thought I’d be over this by now.

When I was first asked to speak, I didn’t plan on inviting my church ladies purely because it would just make me even more nervous.  Larger audience + people I respect and admire = Babbling Psycho Gina.  When I told my husband, he gave me the “look”.  (The pastors about to step on your toes and you’ll thank him later kind of look)  “Don’t you think the Heartland ladies might enjoy fellowshipping with other Christians? Maybe they need to be uplifted spiritually?”  Ouch.  I was starting to see the spiritual picture he sees ….I had an opportunity to bless people, to encourage them, to introduce them to new friends and I was only looking out for myself.  I’m pretty good at looking out for myself… what is best for me today…what will make MY life easier… how can I take pressure off…. how can I cut a corner.   

I once asked an amazing speaker if she gets nervous and without pause she replied, “No because I have something to say I believe people need to hear”.  As I think back, all my questions and thoughts were me focused and not Him focused.    I should have instead been asking myself…..have I sufficiently prayed and communed with the Lord so I will be sensitive enough to feel his direction? Am I giving God my best in every area of my life?  Am I putting Him first?  Am I honoring Him with my time, money, and the blessings He has given me?  

A wise woman I honor and respect once told me, “it’s not about perfection, it’s about progress.”  While on this earth, I’m not going to be the perfect person I want to be but  I must keep striving to do better, to pray more, to study more, to give more…. The devil would LOVE for me to feel not worthy to speak, not spiritual enough to lead in prayer and worship, not smart enough to speak up at work.  He wants to limit me because he is scared of me.  When I feel like I can’t do something, I need to shake off this flesh and put on the full armor of God.  I must remember thru Him I have power over the enemy.   I must get it thru my thick head that….when I can’t, He can.